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MAINTAINING A HAPPY AND HEALTHY RELATIONSHIP
Sometimes it is hard to believe that there is such a thing as long term, happy and committed relationships in todays day and age, given the ever rising divorce rates. Happy relationships do however exist, but not without energy, commitment, and hard work by both parties.
In many households both parties are working to pay for ever increasing living costs, and once children are added to the equation it is easy to lose contact with each other in routine of everyday living. Many couples can go for long periods of time without checking to see how the other is faring. This lack of attention to the other can create feelings of disillusionment and the loss of the dreams that they had for their marriage or partnership. Some individuals may experience feelings of abandonment, loneliness and resentment towards their partner which can lead to relationship conflict. Relationship conflict, if ignored, can lead to high anxiety, depression, isolation, and in some cases, relationship breakdown.
Effective Communication
The ability to communicate with each other is an important aspect of relationship health. This may sound obvious but this does not mean asking what is for dinner or if the bills have been paid. Effective communication is the ability to have a meaningful exchange or dialogue. Finding the time and space to be together to do this without interruption can be a challenge, particularly if you have young children, a demanding working life, or the responsibility for elderly parents or other extended family.
The following points can assist you to communicate well with your partner:
- As your partner talks actively LISTEN to what they are saying. Look at their body language and HEAR what they are saying. If you are unsure or do not understand clearly what has been said, ask them to clarify dont assume that you know what they mean.
- When you talk use the word I rather than you. Comments such as you are really making me angry are not helpful. Perhaps rephrasing and saying I feel left out when you choose to be with your friends rather than with me can make a clearer statement about how you are impacted by your partners actions.
- Dont interrupt. Once we start interrupting each other we are not listening or hearing, and discussions can easily escalate into arguments.
- Dont blame each other for problems in the relationship or call each other names. This creates ill feeling and hurt and can lead to anger and disconnection from each other.
- Talking openly about feelings with each other can be difficult, especially if it has not happened in a long time. Starting slowly and offering each other 5 10 minutes each day to enquire how the other is doing being really present and listening is a helpful way to being, rather than diving into hour long discussions about feelings.
Understanding Difference
We are all individuals with our own unique histories and upbringings. We may enjoy different foods, clothes, and ways of spending leisure time have different senses of humour or need for personal space. In many cases difference is what attracts us to our partners along with those traits and interests we discover that we share. Unfortunately, over time, many of us lose sight of the differences we appreciated in the earlier stages of our relationship, and begin to expect our partners to share all of the same interests, ideas, etc, as us.
Conflict that arises from difference, can, over time, become exhausting and can put strain on your relationship. Understanding that it is ok to have different feelings, opinions, and interests to each other, and learning to compromise and appreciate the differences is an important part of keeping your relationship on track.
Create time for each other
Spending time with your partner, away from children, friends, and other family members can help communicate to your partner that you value them and the time you spend together. Organising time out together once a week/fortnight/month (whatever works with your schedules) can help foster the connection you share and keep you in touch with what is important to your partner. Spending time together away from your day to day life, need not be expensive and can include things like picnics or walks along the beach. Simply sharing your ideas and thoughts and being physically close and affectionate will deepen your connection with each other.
Attitude adjustment
Take some time to reflect on how you are with your partner. Consider whether the majority of your comments or thoughts are positive or negative? If you have noticed a negative slant, then it may be time to make some adjustments. Constant criticism can lead to sadness, resentment, anger, hostility and eventually a poor relationship. Positivity and encouragement can lead to us feeling good about ourselves, our partner, and our relationship, as well as providing a happier and healthier environment for children.
Helping each other out
We live in a busy world with commitments to work, family, study and extended family as well as trying to find time for ourselves and each other. One way to reduce strain in the household and in our relationships is to share the load. Take turns when it comes to houshold tasks share the responsibility of managing a home identify your strenghs whether it be managing finances, or taking care of a garden, and offer your time and strengths to the partnership. If one person is left with all the tasks and reponsibilities, then resentment and anger toward their partner can result.
Friendship
Last but definitely not least, remember your partner is also your friend. Your friendship with each other provides a strong foundation for growth and stability in your relationship, in the long run.
Consider the following before you speak or act:
Is my relationship important to me?
- Would I treat my best friend this way?
- Would I speak to my best friend like this?
- Kindness and encouragement before criticism
- Touch is healing
- Laughter is the best medicine remember to have fun!
If you would like to learn more about Maintaining a Happy and Healthy Relationship please contact Eliza.
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Telephone: | 0417 910 911 |
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