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Helping Children Manage Stress

Jane McNabb
Psychosocial Occupational Therapist

We are taught lots of things about health but rarely how to prevent or reduce anxiety and stress. It is necessary for our children to learn coping skills, since so much of their existence involves continual change, forced choices and unexpected or unfamiliar situations. Children who learn techniques that produce effective stress reduction and positive self awareness are likely to be healthier and happier, and will be able to cope better with the challenges in their lives.

Parents who make the effort to help their children develop effective techniques, will also assist them in their life as adults.

Awareness of Stress

We all experience symptoms of stress when events in our life become difficult. When the demands or "stressors" result in changes in our every day functioning, a "cycle of stress" may begin. With children this can then lead to a far-reaching negative impact on all aspects of their life - educational, emotional, and social.

It is wise for parents to encourage their children to become aware of, and to understand their own inner world, and to be able to equip them with resources to adapt and cope effectively.

It is also important for parents to be able to recognize their children's capacities and vulnerabilities, and to be able to recognize more severe symptoms of anxiety which may benefit from help and support from a trained counsellor.

Important Considerations for Parents

1. Children need time to process what is going on inside. When under stress they may sometimes regress in their behavior i.e. increased clinginess, have poor school performance, or become solitary, until they can process what is happening in their world. They need reassurance that you are there and that they are safe.

2. Be available to listen and be interested in what your child is experiencing. Don't "cheer them up" by minimizing their fears or concerns.

3. Recognize warning signs early that let you know that your child is becoming stressed. i.e.

• Headaches	• Tense muscles	• Bad dreams
• Disturbed sleep	• Stomach aches	• Excessive boredom
• Irritability or anger	• Tiredness

4. Do not expect your child to always be happy. Encourage them to talk about their feelings - let them "think" aloud.

5. Be aware of becoming over-anxious, as your child may become confused and unable to separate their own worries from yours. They need you to be calm and self-assured.

6. When answering your child's questions don't give them too much information. It may be beyond their reasoning.

7. Provide routine and consistency, particularly around daily activities at home and school. Make sure school requests for homework, outings, parent signatures and other school demands are met. Be available at a time you think your child may need your help.

8. Always reward positive behaviour. Catch them being good and praise or hug them straight away. Difficult behavior needs to be responded to immediately and consistently. Children will quickly learn bad behaviour if they see it around them i.e. parents yelling, hitting, talking back, losing their temper or untidiness. They may also learn that misbehaving is one way to get your attention.

9. Remain "open hearted" and keep self-checking and adjust if you feel closed off emotionally or unloving towards your child.

10. Providing an abundance of "Tender Loving Care" is an important factor in preventing stress. Children love hugs and cuddles when sharing time together. They can benefit from soothing, calming activities such as soft music, relaxing oils in their baths, stories, and a quiet chat with you, especially before bedtime.

11. Ensure that you child develops strategies to cope with their fears, such as breathing techniques, relaxation, imagination and positive self-talk.

Managing and reducing stress requires hard work from both parents and children. A therapeutic approach from a counsellor may assist both the child and the family to understand and resolve the stress symptoms. The counsellor may also be able to teach your child specific and long lasting coping strategies for developing better social skills, self esteem, assertiveness, communication, problem solving and time management - all valuable skills for a healthier happier future.

If you would like more information or would like to make an appointment, call Jane McNabb on 92520391 or email on janemcnabb@iinet.net.au

Sources
Triple P- Positive Parenting Program, 2003
Growing Up With Young People-Youthlink Winter,1999
Stress and Your Child. Helping kids Cope With the Strains and Pressures of Life. Betty B. Youngs 1995

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